Do you think the royal children are worth more than you? I certainly don’t! We’ve got rid of the Black Death Plague, we no longer live in wattle-and-daub huts, so why has the UK still got that other throwback to the medieval world, the monarchy? Answer: to keep us commoners in our place! And while you can find no end of children’s books bigging up kings, queens, princes and princesses, you will search long and hard for books which laugh at the ridiculous idea that some people are born to rule the rest of us. Why? Because publishers are afraid to publish them. Well I’m not, and here is the proof: Bet Punk v The Queen, my comic novel for tweens and teens. It’s available in a Kindle edition at Have a read of the first chapter, and if you like it, it’s just £1 to buy! And just to whet your appetite, here’s a little poem:

Cake and balloons,
Cake and balloons,
Can’t you see they’re brainwashing you?
They want you to love the privileged few,
So they give you a flag
And cake and balloons.

Why do they do it?
They’re brainwashed too.
Newsreaders, teachers,
Royal dragoons,
When they were young
Got cake and balloons.